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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26476489">Sorrow</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AhegAraRa/pseuds/AhegAraRa'>AhegAraRa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Death, Depression, Family, Five Stages of Grief, Gen, Grief/Mourning, References to Depression</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:47:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,853</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26476489</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AhegAraRa/pseuds/AhegAraRa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>If you or a loved one has lost someone, then please, help them receive help. No one should have to die.. No one should have to commit suicide. Offer them help. Please call the Suicide Hotline or find someone to talk to. Depression is a war that you can win, never give up.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Sorrow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Life. A simple word, yet full of complexity. Death, and complex word, yet full of simplicity. You can die in so many ways, yet there's only 1 way to begin a life. There is no in between. You either live or die. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>We're nothing more than a statistic. Nothing more than people doing things in their life that doesn't matter. Nothing more than people sitting around, waiting for death. Everyone finds death, eventually. But no one comes close to having a second life. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Every day is the same to me. You go to your same 9-5 job, eat the same dinner, have the same routine and go to sleep on the same schedule. I used to be so cheerful and happy. My life was so happy and full of life. Everything was so fine, until she had a head injury, and they got into that accident. Everything was going well… but how the joy was sucked out of my life. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>My first friend since I started school, Takuto. He always had my back when I needed him. He was so grateful and happy. He was per say, my escape in reality. I went to him when I needed to vent. He'd help me out with my problems. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>My other friend, Hitomi, or my ex, She was an amnesia patient, forgetting everything. She had a major head injury that gave her amnesia. She was able to remember so much, but she forgot all about our relationship. When I tried to talk to her about it, she said that she couldn't remember. I just decided that it was time to let her go…  and to tell her that I had a girlfriend who was named Hitomi too, but she passed away. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He felt bad, but I let him chase her. They then got engaged but when they were travelling to where the marriage was going to take place, they got into an accident and were rushed to a hospital. They both had severe injuries, the doctors did their best to save them, but-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When I heard the news, it was hard to accept it. I couldn't do this. This just hit me, I couldn't accept the reality that I was living in. There was no way…. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But it turned out, it wasn't a false reality. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When I looked at their bodies…  I couldn't get the image out of my head. Takuto had 2 mangled legs, an amputated arm, with a hole in his neck. Hitomi had a mutilated head and arms and her legs were abcise. That image still plays in my head. I have no one now. I didn't have siblings, I didn't really make any friends and my parents left me for somewhere else. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I graduated with a college degree, but when I graduated, I had no other family. Since I knew Takuto the longest, his family treated me like their own. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It's funny, how we see our own desires as our friends. How some of us would go to any length to achieve what we desire. Death is a desire that some of us see as a savior to come. Quite honestly, I wanna quit on living now. I don't see any reason to keep living. Why should I keep going? I let them die. If I had a wish, I would rather take my life over theirs. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I should kill myself. Maybe now, maybe tomorrow, maybe a day after tomorrow. I want to die. I don't deserve to live anymore. I want to rest now. Maybe nothing in this world can make me happy. Nothing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>My 9-5 job has co-workers, but none of them don't really notice me. They don't notice the cuts on my arm. They don't notice the sadness on my face. They don't notice anything. All they notice is me, I'm just that one worker who comes in, does what he needs to do and leaves. One day out of nowhere, however, the receptionist named Suzuka asked me something. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Are you alright, You seem to have trouble with something?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Could it be that someone could see through my ploy? No, she's probably reporting because I'm probably slow with my Statistical Analysis. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes, Quite honestly this week has just been too much on me. I'm sorry if I'm slow with my work".</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She says "It's okay, your numbers are fine right now. You should know, Mr. Statistical Analysis. Anyways, Would you like to grab a drink?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Why not, right? But I might kill myself tomorrow. Let myself get drunk or something. Maybe… just maybe. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Alright then. Let's grab some drinks tonight after work".</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Great, see you tonight!" She exclaimed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It'll be my last night. By tomorrow, I'll be dead. I can finally be with Hitomi and Takuto soon. I can die. I plan on shooting myself in the head. A death for me deserves as much pain. Only I can die by it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When I met Suzuka at the bar, she waved for me. She was wearing a black dress, miniskirt, high heels and some stockings. Quite honestly, I don't know how I feel about her changing her work attire, but she does look good. But enough about it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suzuka and I began drinking. I tried not to mention anything about committing to wanting to die. She seemed so cheerful and happy. We talked about work and a small portion about each other. I didn't tell her anything about Hitomi or Takuto. I didn't tell her anything about them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then someone else's face came up. I get a memory of someone, and their face. Who is that? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"H- H- Hitomi?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arghhh, my head. It hurts. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>*Ar- ou-  o-"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The voices are cutting in and out for me. Who's talking? H- Hitomi? No…  you're dead…  how can you be talking to me. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>No- No- NO! Why- WHY- WHY-?!!</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I blacked out for a minute. I woke up, in bed, with multiple things in my arms. Suzuka is looking at me. I'm also on a monitor as well, sounds like a flatline. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey, are you alright?" Suzuka says. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Takuto? Wait? Hitomi? Who's asking me if I'm alright? Wait? Takuto, you're alive? Hitomi too? Wait! WHAT! WHO'S ASKING ME IF I'M ALIVE?!! </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I heard loud rapid beepings. What's going on?!! WHY THE FUCK DOES MY CHEST HURT?! </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"DOCTOR! DOCTOR! HE NEEDS IMMEDIATE TREATMENT!"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"We won't let him die, but ma'am please step outside, okay?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Die? I want to die. Let me die. I want to finally be free. Free from this nightmare. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I then blackout once again. However this time, I'm next to Takuto and Hitomi. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey, look who's finally awake." Says Hitomi. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"You gave us a scare," Says Takuto. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Hitomi! Takuto! I'm glad you're here! I need your help!"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hitomi and Takuto look at each other. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Honey, we've been dead for months now. We're just the collective consciousness in your head. Look, we're sorry we left you, honestly. We didn't intend on leaving you. But it happened".</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"You said it yourself, death comes to all of us eventually, but you're not going to find happiness the more you think of us. We'll be forever with you in your heart, okay? Remember the bonds we created, and form new ones. Time waits for no one. You'll be much stronger. Besides, that Suzuka girl has taken a liking towards you. Let her be your new family. Talk to your co-workers, and meet new people".</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I tear up. I don't want to forget them. I don't want to lose them again. I love them, I miss them, I need them in my life. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Takuto, Hitomi, what if I lose her? What if I lose everyone? What if I los-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hitomi shushes me, looks at me and says "We can't promise that you won't lose anyone. We can't promise that they'll never leave you. But remember that you'll have them in your heart. Moving on isn't forgetting us. Moving on is necessary to keep going, alright? Takuto and I will be resting now. We'll always love you. You'll always love us. You won't ever forget us, if you move on. Think about us everyone once in a while, but always continue with life. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I look at both of them. They look at me. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Despite being your collective consciousness…  this is something you'd think we say"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I gave them one final hug. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I love you both. Forever family".</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I woke up. This whole time, I was trapped in a reality where I couldn't accept them dying. I couldn't accept the fact that they were gone. How could I accept it? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I began to cry. Crying in front of your coworker, that's funny. Idk if she'll make me into a laughingstock. I haven't cried like this ever since I found out they died. I couldn't accept them being dead at such a young age. Could it be that I was going through the 5 stages of grief? And now I've accepted it, that they're gone… </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suzuka looks at me, and hugs me. It seems she was with me all night. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This comfort, I haven't felt this in a while. No one really comforted me. It may have been because I was distancing myself from them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"It'll be alright now. It's okay. You have a whole company of people behind you. Everyone hated to see you down, because when  you first came, you were this radiant person, who cheered everyone up".</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Suzuka…  I should tell you what happened. My 2 best friends, Hitomi and Takuto died in an accident on their way to their marriage site, around 5 months ago. Beforehand, Hitomi was an amnesia patient and she forgot all about our relationship. She met Takuto and from there, they're relationship sparked. Hearing her forget about our relationship was some part of the beginning, but as long as she was happy, I was happy too. They got engaged and went to their marriage site which was in a Vineyard. On their way there, like I said, they got into an accident, and I couldn't accept them dead. They were my only family because my parents left me without speaking to me when I was at high school. And now that they're gone…"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She says "It's okay to not be okay. You've suffered enough. I'll be someone a part of your family. Now I know your position, I want to help you. I saw the cuts on your arms and I'm here to get you help. You bottled up your emotions, so it's time to get some help now".</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It really was time I got help. I needed the help. If I didn't, then what was the point. Even when I can't find happiness, even when everything seems that life would turn on you, you still have to keep going. They are people relying on you to keep going. I have to learn to accept the reality I am in. There's a difference between ideal and real. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Depression is a war, truly it is. You either win or die trying. Never lose sight of yourself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You aren't ever alone, because there is someone there, waiting for you to live. </span>
</p>
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